"If you loved me you would....."

Unspoken and unacknowledged expectations take a large toll in relationships. In having expectations, you're expecting your partner to be a certain way in order to believe they love and care about you. If you don't get what you expect, you conclude all kinds of negative things about the relationship that may not be true.

Useful Questions:

• Do your expectations have to be fulfilled for you to be happy? If so, why?
• Do you expect your partner to conform to your wants? What does it mean when they don't?
• Do you have preset rules in your love relationships? If so, what are they and why?
• Do you find yourself often saying “he should” or “she should”?
• Do you have any “If you loved me you would...[fill in the blank]'s”? If so, what are they?
• Can you think of a time you didn't do what someone wanted you to do? Did you love them, even though you didn't do what they wanted? Could it be the same with your partner?
• Do you use another’s words and actions as “evidence or proof” that they love you?. If your partner does that thing or activity you want, then do they love you? If they don't, is that a sign they don't love you or care? If yes, why?
• Understand everyone has different wants, desires, and beliefs about what it means to be loving.
• Be Honest
• Examine what expectations you DO have, then openly discuss them with your partner. Find out what theirs are.